My Type...

First of all, listen to the song...

Done?

Good...

Now rewind it and let it play in the background while you read...

Ready?

Go.

Now...

One thing that I pride myself on is being a man that's able to look at himself objectively and see his flaws. Occasionally, I think its a good idea to step outside myself and look at me as a person and take inventory of what I need to work on to be a better man.

Often times its a painful journey of self exploration, but its still a necessary part of being the man that I aim to be.

So, as a man...I need to be able to acknowledge the fact that I have some great qualities that I want to hold onto and some...well...not so great ones that I need to fix or let go.

So, ladies and gentlemen...I never thought I'd admit this OUT LOUD but...I have something in common with Aubrey Graham...y'all know him as Drake...I too tend to fall for the wrong type...

Yup...I'll admit it.

As much grief as I give Drake about not being more selective with what he hops on or chooses to push to the masses, I'll readily admit that I can appreciate the fact that he doesn't shy away from talking about things that the average thinking man can relate to.

While I won't go so far as to say that he speaks for the lions share of intelligent, young, ambitious black males...I will say that he's a refreshing voice in a mass marketed genre that's shown only ONE aspect of the black male mind...

I digress though, this post isn't about Drake...

Its about the fact that I always fall for a certain type of woman...

More after the break...













Alright...so, I've identified the type...

Intelligent, ambitious, beautiful, self-starting, goal oriented, educated, talented, and very meticulous about their planning...

All of those are EXCELLENT and attractive qualities. I LOVE those things about them.

Then there come the negative things...

They're more than likely emotionally unavailable...

They've more than likely had a history of dysfunctional relationships...

They tend to be distrustful almost to the point of being unwarrantedly intrusive...

They also tend to see things from a very negative point of view when it comes to romantic relationships...

Herein lies the rub folks...

I know EXACTLY why I go after these types of women...

I'll tell you why after the break...













Its because its a challenge...

Seriously...

I've never had a problem in the "Getting Females" department. No really, I haven't.

Like I said before, I'm not the tallest, buffest, or richest brotha on the planet, but I definitely have a mouthpiece. I can be as charming as I need to be...and USUALLY if I find myself desiring a woman, I can go get her.

I'm not a playa or anything...anymore...I'm just putting that out there...

So when I meet a woman that I'm ACTIVELY pursuing and she presents to me a certain challenge, I HAVE TO meet the challenge.

Its a competitive thing.

I have ONE SIMPLE RULE about my interactions with women. Never leave a situation worse than you found it. I've been fairly successful at abiding by this rule without being a simp.

A couple of times, usually for both my safety and sanity, I've had to completely break contact and run like hell, but I'm usually pretty good about dropping a good gem of help in someone's lap...even if it doesn't work out.

So...if I acknowledge this, and I understand this...why am I writing about it?

Truth be told...I'm not sure.

Desiring a woman that is challenging isn't necessarily a bad thing...CHASING a woman to me though is...

CHASING means there's no reciprocation of admiration or affection...

Being challenged by a woman means there's a mutual respect, admiration, and desire there, but there are also some issues and situations that should be addressed...

Ok...so I just wrote that...then I read it out loud...

Does that mean I like women with issues?

No...

I'll tell you exactly why...after this LAST break...













NO!

I DO NOT LIKE WOMEN WITH ISSUES...

Let me make that perfectly clear...

HOWEVER, I don't mind a woman with a little (emphasis on "little") baggage...

At our age, I realized that most women are going to come with baggage...

And fellas, lets be perfectly honest...if you're keeping it 100 you've got baggage of your own...

Don't look at me crazy, look at yourself and all the madness that you KNOW goes on in your life...

So, look at it like this...

If I've got baggage...and I know it...and I acknowledge it for what it is...

And you've got baggage...and you know it...and acknowledge it for what it is...

What is so wrong about trying to find somebody with a matching set?

If I were to rate my baggage, I'd say...I've got a backpack...

So, if you've got 2 Louis V. Duffles, a Steamer Trunk, 3 Suitcases, a Travel Bag, a Backpack, and a Purse...I'm probably going to get a restraining order against your ass...

However, if you've got a backpack like me...I'm all in for the journey...

Sometimes people tell you they have a backpack and show up with 3 Suburbans worth of ish though...

I can't help that, but I definitely don't mind the backpack...

So, I guess the moral of the story is...

Hell, I don't know...

I just know I had a moment of clarity regarding MY situation and decided to share it...

Hopefully, you got something out of it.

Where's Your Man?

Ok...

We've all seen it before...

There's a beautiful, talented, educated woman sitting alone...maybe in a Starbucks...maybe at your favorite bar...maybe even at your job.

She seems perfectly sane. Pretty normal. Has a pleasant attitude. She's cool to kick it with...

And she's single...

Then there's the girl who's penis I.Q. is higher than her credit score...

She's as sexually liberated as they come and makes no bones about it...

She's not concerned with a ring, she's not concerned with a relationship most of the time...she's only concerned with fulfilling her own needs.

What's wrong with this picture?

Well, to me...nothing.

Why?

I'll tell you...

Right after the break...












Lemme ask you a question though....is ya happy?

Ok...

So, you want to know why the "Dime on Paper" isn't being swooned over and picked up, while the "Heifer of Ill Repute" always has a man?

I'll tell you...but you may not like the answer...

More often than not, the "Heifer of Ill Repute" has been around enough men to know exactly how to charm a man into fulfilling her every desire. Be it physical, sexual, mental, emotional, or financial.

She is the woman he likes the most because she is honest with him and herself about the nature of their relationship. More often than not, the "Dime on Paper" goes into date #1 with these high minded expectations and she unknowingly paints a picture of a man that either a) doesn't exist or b) scares the hell out of the guy sitting across the table from her.

More than likely at this phase in her life she's become slightly consumed with the concept of marriage, future, kids, or a minivan.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't think it's wrong to desire a good man. I don't think its wrong to have high standards. I don't think its wrong to want a marriage, a few kids, and a Toyota Sienna with one of those soccer ball magnets with "Makenzye" on the back. (Yeah...I want one of those....not the van...the soccer ball...stop laughing...)

The problem therein lies when your initial interactions with men come off more like an interview than hanging out with somebody and having surf n' turf.

You wanna know why the man YOU like seems to enjoy the company of the "Heifer of Ill Repute?"

I'll tell you...after the break...













Ok...lemme give ya'll a little glimpse into the male mind for a second...

The "Heifer of Ill Repute" has mastered the art of being the friend and the "love interest" at the same time.

A dude knows he doesn't have to impress her, because they're cool. He accepts her, she accepts him. They are friends at the base level. She doesn't get mad when he wants to play XBox and he doesn't get mad when she wants to go out with her girls. They have a comfort level with one another.

When it comes to their relationship behind closed doors, there's no pressure...at least not after the first time. That's a whole 'nother blog post.

She may bring him something to eat on the strength of their friendship...he may buy her a drink or 3 in the club for the same reason.

Why aren't they together in a relationship then? Well, he knows how she is...

Most men are too insecure to be in a relationship with a woman who's liberal about her sexuality. They always second guess her. They are always concerned about what some other man is thinking or doing with their lady...

I'm a wee bit different...

So, what's the moral of the story...

The moral is, if you're pretty, intelligent, goal oriented, and have a lot to offer...relax...there are good men out there...and they're looking for you. More than likely they want to build a foundation of friendship though before they go out and buy you a blue box...

Oh ya'll thought I didn't know bout the blue box?

*Jeezy voice* Sidney Poitier what dey do?!?!?!

Ok...that was random...

Back to the moral of the story...

Take a lesson from the "Heifer of Ill Repute" and learn to just be cool...sit back...Prince Charming already likes you otherwise he wouldn't be hanging with you...just don't scare him the hell off...

Ya'll take it easy...

--Bleek G.

Social Media and Relationships...

First of all...I'd like everyone who knows this guy Trey Moe that didn't tell me about him to kiss my ashy black ass....WHY YA'LL DIDN'T TELL ME THIS DUDE WAS SO DAMN FUNNY!?!?!?!?!?!?

Ya'll know I'm always looking for funny stuff. To hell wit ya'll for not putting me on sooner! This cat got talent. A lot of it.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand...

A major part of my job function over here in Iraq is dealing with Social Media. I've become my unit's "go-to" guy for Social Media Functionality. I've got presentations, research, marketing plans/strategies, and a buttload of firsthand knowledge regarding social media and promotion strategies. (Ironically, I can do it well for a large entity but I'm waaaaay too brash and unfriendly to make it work for me. I digress though...)

Of course though, when the entire world is connected through social media, sometimes your business life and personal life can mesh...

This post is about my personal life...

I basically said all that B.S. about work to justify me being on Facebook and Twitter in the middle of my damn workday...(Don't Judge Me...because you're probably at work reading right now...GET BACK TO THEM DAMN TPS REPORTS!!!!)

Ever since the advent of social media, people have been ruining relationships based on something that's (if you ask them) "not a big deal."

Really?

Not a big deal huh?

More after the break...













So, lets take it back to when you first started your journey through the world of social media coupled with real world interaction. Some of you started with AOL, maybe BlackPlanet. Some of you kicked off with CollegeClub. Some of you more adventurous (read: nerdy) types probably had a Friendster page.

The vast majority of people I know fully immersed themselves in social media though with the advent of Facebook. Since then, many have branched out to Twitter. Even though no one wants to admit it now, alot of us had MySpace pages...in fact, I just completely deleted mine a few months ago. I'd forgotten it existed to be perfectly honest...

Either way, we're all victims of the mass appeal of social media.

Social media has changed the way we communicate and, by proxy, our relationships with one another.

Let me ask you a question...

How many of you have dated or been talking to somebody that confronted you about something you had on a social networking website?

I know a whole bunch of people raised their hands.

I've been confronted about stuff I put on CollegeClub back in the day. I had a girlfriend LITERALLY cuss me out about a pic I had on MySpace. I know I've been confronted MULTIPLE times by what's popped up on my Facebook. Twitter is a whole different universe...

Social Media has become so deeply ingrained into our daily existence that we've substituted it for meaningful gestures and thought provoking actions.

People read more into your "relationship status" than they do what you tell them with your OWN MOUTH.

Its weird to me...

I would much rather you just ask me what you want to know rather than base your expectations/ideas/beliefs about me on a social network. That's not the way things work though in 2011. We've become enslaved to our own perceptions of self and others...

I can prove it through twitter...

Watch...

More after the break...













140 characters...

On Twitter, that's all that stands between your mind and the world...140 characters. Just enough words to make the world laugh, make the world think, or make your reputation die...

Personally, I use Twitter for entertainment purposes. Occasionally though, like most people, I will blurt out what's truly on my mind. Sometimes its an emotion filled knee jerk reaction, other times...its probably a disturbingly weird observation I've made. Just like with words that are spoken, once its out there...you can't take it back. You've given that thought energy and life by speaking it...well...in Twitter's case, typing it.

I truly take Twitter with a grain of salt most of the time, but I do actually throw things out there that I feel from time to time and I do ask for/expect a response on occasion. None the less, the problem therein lies when people who know you, along with people that think they know you, begin to base their perception of you based solely on your Twitter persona or your social media presence as a whole.

I'm guilty of it...

I've judged someone I cared about based on a tweet they said in a moment of frustration...

I've been judged based on a tweet I posted in a moment of frustration...

Hell, I've been judged based on a blog or two I've written in the 8 years or so I've been blogging...

Why though?

Why do we allow our perceptions, shaped by social media, to become that person's REAL personality?

9 times out of 10, if I said it then I meant it and I'll gladly stand beside what I said. Occasionally though, I get angry, frustrated, or downright pissed off...and I'd hate to be judged entirely based on a few angry words or a moment of indiscretion.

Now...take all of what I said about perceptions based on social media activity...and apply it to your significant other/boothang/boyfriend/girlfriend/cut buddy...

Kind of changes things huh...maybe not to some people...but I know there are a couple of folks out there like, "Wow...I really let (insert social media site here) ruin my relationship..."

Just a little food for thought...

Ya'll take it easy...

--Bleek G.

On Memories and Dreams...

First off, watch the video...

Done?

Good.

You ever noticed how great your memories of some people are?

Its like...you can be having the most horrendous day ever and you think back to a kind word, a smile, a gentle hand on your back...and, for some, a kiss.

Those memories sustain us at times. They are the foundation of our dreams and fantasies...our wants and wishes...our deepest heartfelt desires.

We take those memories and mold identities of some people based on them.

Everyone has a person in their life that they've created an identity for based on memories. Some of these identities are superheroes in human form. Godlike even. We put these people to a high standard and knowingly, or unknowingly for some, put them on a pedestal higher than we can ever reach...

Other identities are more villainous...we've taken the darkest moments of experience with these people and given them a negative title. We may even call them enemy. Its the closest thing to hate some of us have...

What happens though when your memories and dreams come face to face with your reality?

More after the break...













Sometimes we create people based on who we want them to be rather than who they really are...

Lets be PERFECTLY honest here...

When it comes to interpersonal relationships we can all be just a wee bit delusional at times. All of us have run into the problem of reconciling someone's character with who we thought they were.

I could tell you all day who I am, but when I show you who I am...would you be willing to see me?

I'm not sure many of us can pose that question to others and get a 100% accurate answer.

I'll take myself for example...primarily because I don't feel comfortable speaking on anyone else's differences between their persona and their person.

If you sit around me long enough, you'll find that I'm a fun-loving, fairly intelligent guy with a sometimes mean-spirited sense of humor. If you've ever known me on a "relational" level (I use that word only because I can't think of any other way to put it...) You'll find that I'm fairly even-keeled and at times unemotional.

HOWEVER, if you know who I am on the inside, you'll see that I have insecurities, flaws, and faults that are overcompensated for by my brash, thrill-seeking exterior...

We all do...

So why is it that we find it so hard to see people for who they really are? Are we so caught up in appearances that actuality/reality has taken a back seat to perception?

More after the break...













My music is all over the place...I know...

Don't Judge Me....

Anyway, back to the point...

People have layers...

More often than not, you have to peel them all back to get to the root of who they are as a person. That may take days, weeks, month, and in most cases years...

The problem is, are you going to accept the REAL them when they show themselves to you? Or will you continue to be misled by the person they TOLD you they were?

Very rarely do our self-perception and actuality match. Think about it...

That girl you see out who's about 3 sizes too big to wear tights thought she was sexy as hell before she left the house...little did she know that we all threw up a little bit in our mouths as she walked by. Now TELL ME she has an accurate self-perception....

I'll bring it home for you...we've all got a co-worker, boss, or friend who thinks they are the best at what they do. They will be the first to let you know how hard they work, what they can do, who they are, and where they should be. They give little thought to the fact that they work about an even amount as everyone around them...

You know that person...

How about the friend that we ALL have that is probably one of the most gifted people that we know...but its everyone else's fault why they can't get a break...we ALL have that friend...(Actually, for a strong 6 months of self-pity I went through back in 07-08, I WAS that friend...once again...DON'T JUDGE ME)

So, I guess I said all that to say...pay attention to the people around you...they can only hide themselves for so long...

Cherish your memories of people, hold on to your dreams with/of/for them...but don't let EITHER come and blind your view of reality...

Ya'll take it easy...

--Bleek G.

Failure is NOT An Option...

First...listen to the song...

Ok, so there's a line in the song that hit me really hard when I first heard it like 4 years ago...

Phonte says:

"Te, would you work ten years for your dream/
Seven years later, now I see just what he mean/
Cuz this is real life and I'm livin' kinda regular/"

Man...do you realize how real that is?

Seriously...think about the dreams you had 10 years ago...

Did you give up on them? Did life hit you a little too hard, a little too fast, and make you reevaluate them? What was it that made you give up on a dream?

I know what it was for me...I was weak...

Somebody told me I couldn't do something...Somebody I thought was telling me the truth...and I believed them...

It was actually my parents who discouraged me from this particular dream...but I guess I was too weak to see it then.

So, against my better judgment I started playing it "safe"...

Well, I see where "safe" got me in 10 years. LOL

I started thinking about that dream...and somehow...I came right back to it.

More after the break...














Answer this for me...

Why is it that when we're children, we dream the big dreams and have the grand ideals about who we are, what we can achieve, and what we want to do...then we give up on them?

I'm not saying that you should be a 35 year old man aspiring to be a dinosaur or a cowboy. That's not what I'm saying at all...

I'm just asking why we've given up on certain dreams?

There are a number of reasons that I've seen...

You got a taste of failure in college and gave up because a certain aspect of your dream seemed "too hard" or "undesirable"...

Your parents told you more about what you COULDN'T do than what you could do...

You gave up on a dream because life came at you faster than you were ready for it, so you put your head down and went to work at a job you hate and then came up with excuses for not chasing your dream...

You got sidetracked by a relationship...(Fellas...You are NOT exempt from this one)

You gave up on yourself...

If you want, you can find EVERY reason in the world to give up on your dream...

Wanna know a secret though...you don't have to give up...

More after the break...















Here are a couple of things that you should know...

#1 Whatever year you were born in, I want you to take it and add 4.5 Billion years to it. Now understand this...for 4.5 BILLION YEARS (and some change) before you were born, NO ONE like you existed. You are unique. While your dream may NOT be unique, your journey to get there more than likely is...Why would you ignore that? Why would you give up on being something and someone Original?

#2 Think about your favorite place to eat. I PROMISE you there are at LEAST 5 different ways to get there. Some of them even take you WAAAAAY out of the way to get right back there. Either way though, the end point is the same. So why would you get more caught up on the drive than the thought of the food? I mean, you know you're gonna get there? So what if it takes you a little longer? (If that went over your head, just ignore the fact that I said anything about a restaurant or food.)

#3 Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do, to get where we want to be. 5 years ago if you'd have told me I'd be in the Army, I would've laughed at you...out loud...in public...while pointing...Either way, I'm here now. While I never planned to make it a long term thing (and STILL don't), and initially had all the reservations in the world, I can sit here and confidently say it was one of the best decisions I ever made. It allowed me to focus on certain things, correct certain behaviors, and even get training that directed me towards the goal I have...even if I don't necessarily like being a soldier all the time.

What I'm telling you to do is, dust off that dream you had as a child.

Run outside to the Ice Cream Truck, get a bomb pop and some doritos, then come back in and come up with a plan to make that dream come true.

Yes, doors may close in your face, friends may stab you in the back, and people will tell you what you can't do...

When the door closes, try the window...

When that friend stabs you in the back, pull out the knife, turn around, and tell them to stab you in the chest too because as long as your heart beats, you'll fight for your dream....then slap the hell out of them...

When people tell you what you can't do...Kick them in the chest and say "THIS IS SPARTA"

Seriously though...don't give up on your dreams...because without them...who are you? Better yet, what are you?

Ya'll take it easy...

--Bleek G.

Religion For Dummies...

First off...listen to the song...

Ok...for the last 7 years or so I've had a kind of dysfunctional relationship with God.

To some of you that may sound weird...but its the only way I know how to describe it.

I know He's there and that He talks to me, comforts me when I need comforting, all the stuff that you know...people attribute to God...protection, survival, (insert basic human need here), and all that...but we don't talk much.

Why?

Well...its because, much like a lot of people, I'm confused as to Who He Is...and who really speaks for Him...

Seriously! I listen to a lot of different preachers...hell, my Pops is a preacher...but they seem to all differ on the details as far as what God is about...

More after the break...













Its weird to me...because I feel like everyone is embracing a different God...

Its like, to some people...God is the mystical man in the sky who micromanages our every move

To others, God is the protector of the poor and the thorn in the side of the rich...

To some, God is the guy that blesses you with material things if you just abide by certain terms...like a loan officer of some sort.

To a few people, God is a guy that's a well kept secret...

To people like me...we don't know WHO to listen to...so we just talk to God directly...

Now, I understand that God is supposed to be all things to all people...so...maybe they're all right...or maybe they're all wrong...I don't know...

The concept of "Jesus is My Homeboy" was GENIUS to me, because it showed that Jesus should be someone you feel comfortable talking to...

(My personal Jesus kinda looks like Anthony Hamilton...don't judge me...)

I just don't really understand who's speaking for God...is that weird? Am I wrong in some way for thinking that? Have I been hoodwinked or something?

I'll tell you what I believe after the break...













I believe that the Most High God created us all for a certain purpose and it is up to us to find that purpose. He doesn't hide it from us, He just asks that we seek it AND Him. When we seek Him, our purpose is often revealed through our path to Him.

I believe that God does NOT micromanage us. If he wanted to micromanage us, He would not have given us free will. Our daily decisions are not essentially ordered by The Most High. God didn't tell you to wear those jeans today. Your Jordans being tied or untied do NOT matter in the grand scheme of things. HOWEVER, I believe that God CAN direct certain opportunities and "coincidences" to be placed in our path so that we can better use that "free will" that He gave us to be used to find Him.

I don't believe that God wants everyone to be rich...that's almost preposterous to me...

I believe that God wants the best for us like any parent wants for their child. The best for us doesn't always include a Bentley, a Jet, a lacefront, and the Bible on an iPad...(Too soon?)

I believe that God hears our prayers and protects us when we desperately need to be protected...God does NOT intervene on your behalf though when you're drunk in the club talking crazy to the bouncer about how you're going to beat him up....that's Satan...and he laughs at you...I do too...I'm just saying...

I believe that God gave us the Holy Bible through divinely inspired writing...I think that those who choose to study His word and preach it to the masses should also study the history of the Word, INCLUDING alternate translations because there are many things that can be gleaned from it.

I believe that God is a man... (Please don't email me calling me sexist...I'm not in the mood for that today...)

I believe that God is loving, kind, fair, and can, at times, be angry. However, I don't think God punishes us like people think...

I think attributing human traits to God like unforgiveness and vindictiveness makes Him smaller...

I'm not claiming to have ANY of the answers...

I'm just saying what I believe...

Ya'll can argue about God's name, what He wants, and who's right ALL you want to...I don't really care who wins the argument either...I know what I believe and I know who to talk to about it...

Ya'll take it easy...

--Bleek G.

Getting It Out Of My System...

You know how this thing starts by now...watch the video...

I'm an artist...

And no, I'm not really that sensitive about my ish...

I have notebooks full of poetry, I've started on a semi-fictional book 8 different times now, and I've got 4 GBs of freestyles over various hip-hop instrumentals that will NEVER see the light of day probably...

I use various art forms (the most newest one being photography) to express my feelings. I have the hardest time EVER expressing myself to people I care about. I have no problem with the words, "I Love You" but I have the hardest time expressing what I'm feeling towards people that I genuinely care for...

Well, except my daughter...That's because she doesn't judge me like some of you bastards...but I digress...

I guess I said all that to say, as much as I lock things away, ignore things, push through things, and bounce back easily from things...I haven't really fully processed it or gotten over it until I examine it in some form of artistry...

Well, I did that recently with my last "real" relationship...

More after the break...













MAN, that song pretty much sums up the long and the short of it...LOL!

My last relationship sucked...

It wasn't either one of our faults, its just how it was.

If it wasn't one problem, it was another.

We had EVERY reason in the world to NOT be together, but we were anyway. We had taken an "Us Against The World" stance and being the fighters that we are, we refused to back down from it.

Life comes at you fast though...

We couldn't get on the same page. We were both highly motivated, intelligent individuals with all the motivation in the world to beat the odds we were up against, but I guess we were too different to beat them together...

We both made mistakes, I would go through and enumerate them all...but what would the point be.

She lied, I lied.

The bottom line is, we both sucked at being with each other.

We're not bad people, we're just not good together.

She'll probably go on to be same great International Law Attorney making millions of dollars.

I'll be happy for her. Smile a moment about the good times we had and then go on about my merry way as she fades into memory.

Sometimes memories are the best places to keep people...

More after the break...













So, why did I choose to talk about this?

Well, because its my damn blog and I'll talk about whatever I damn well please for one. LOL! Just kidding....

It really began with a memory I had...

There's a young woman who I've mentioned in this blog that is the five foot nothing 72 pound heavyweight champion of the world...

Seriously she's THAT tough...she said something to me one day that made me think...

In a rare moment of sensitivity and caring, she told me, "I feel like I'm always going to be paying for what she did to you..."

The moment she said it, my heart sank...

Why?

Because I'd been a hypocrite...and I absolutely abhor hypocrisy.

I realized that I'd shut myself off from the possibility of connecting with another human being on a deeper level...

I realized that I'd begun to make other people pay for her actions towards me...

That was something that I'd always said I hated about certain females. How all men were lumped into a certain category and the "Good guys" that came along to show them nothing but love ended up paying for something done in the past.

Now, while I didn't out and out actively go forth and say/do certain things to push people away, I DID bring up the fact that I'd just ended a fairly serious relationship and didn't want to pursue anything concrete...although I still indulged in the "foundation building" aspect...

I guess you could say that I unintentionally led them on...that sucks about me...and I'm willing to admit that...

More after the break...














"It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell." -Buddha

I'm going to acknowledge how sensitive it was for me to post that last video...but it speaks directly to my situation...

The second reason I'm writing this is because, like the title of the post says...I'm getting it out of my system. This is the last time I will write or speak of her or our relationship on this blog or in any of my other avenues of expression. Why? In short, because I'm over it.

The frustration, the feeling of failure, the betrayal, and (not to sound sensitive but...) the heart break of it all.

Each and every day, I'm watching my dream become a little more real. I'm talking to people about contracts, put together pieces/events, getting a solid foundation together, and building a life for an awesome "Not Quite" two year old that I saw say her ABCs on video yesterday.

I guess I no longer have the time or energy to think about it. I looked up yesterday and realized, "Damn...its been about a month since I thought about it or mentioned it." There was no emotion there though...which let me know I'd processed through it.

I guess there's nothing left to say about it now...

Take it easy ya'll...

--Bleek G.

Single Moms....

First of all...listen to the song...

Ok...

So, I got a picture of my daughter smiling the other day. It COMPLETELY made my day. I emailed my daughter's mother (notice I didn't use the term "babymama"...I hate that term) to see how my little superstar was doing and she told me that she's awesome.

Since I'm here in Iraq, my daughter's mom is REALLY good at sending me a video every week so I can see her growing and being the awesome, intelligent, rambunctious toddler that she is.

Being a parent is probably the most exciting and scary thing I've ever done...

Exciting because my daughter completely amazes me. Judging from what my family members have said, its like watching me grow up all over again. I'm excited to see her learn, grow, smile, and be the confident little genius that she is.

In case you haven't realized...I have the most awesomest baby in the history of procreation...yeah...

At the same time...its the scariest thing ever. It raises all sorts of doubts in my head...

Throughout her life...will I be a good father? Will I be firm enough to discipline her when the tears fall from her beautiful brown eyes? Will I be strong enough to not kill the boy who breaks her heart? Will I be able to provide for her a life and opportunities that far surpass anything I've ever known?

It scares me...but it also motivates me



As you can see, she's just as silly as I am...that's her BIG SMILE...

Believe it or not though...this post isn't really about my lil' superstar...

Its about parenthood in general...from a guy who thinks about it...

More after the break...













I was talking to "Nina" the other day...

"Nina" is a 20-something photographer with impeccable fashion sense, a mean shoe game, and a passion for art...and she's a "mommy-to-be"

"Nina" was telling me about the reservations she had regarding her child's father. She said he was somewhat distant, aloof...

Now, maybe it was the hormones...she admitted that she could possibly be suffering from a case of "overemotionality" as part of her delicate condition...

Or maybe she'd tapped into something...

Maybe she'd tapped into the fear that fathers have regarding their children. Men...well...real ones anyway...are taught to show no fear, be strong, be a protector, and a provider. To do that, at times, we're forced to shut off our emotions.

Now, is that the right way to handle things? Probably not. As we know though, the male mind doesn't often react in a very calculating manner when it comes to matters of emotion. We shut them off.

Sistas, allow me to ask you a question...if you told a man, "I'm pregnant..." and he broke down, started crying, and said, "Oh lawd! What is we gon' do?!?!?! Geevus I gots ta feed and clothe a bebby! I gots to get a better job! I can't play Playstation no mo! LAWWWWD!"

What would you do?

First, you SHOULD probably reevaluate who you sleep with in the future.

Second, you WOULD probably tell him to man the hell up and deal with it.

Now...I'm not saying that what I described above is what goes on in the male mind. Its an EXTREME depiction. However, finding out you're a father does have a certain "pucker" factor attached to it. It makes your gut churn, your heart flutter, and your brow sweat. We can't let you see that though. We've been taught not to.

So you hear a certain calmness, even coldness in our voice. Or see a certain distance in our actions. Bare with us...we're not made of stone, its just how we process emotions. Whereas most women I know are outwardly emotional, most men I know are inwardly emotional.

Sistas would be shocked to find that most men are just as emotional as they are, they just never see it except in extreme cases.

Sistas...I'm giving you some advice after the break...













Ok...ladies...I know that sometimes men slip up...we're not there. For one reason or another we choose to be absentee fathers...essentially "sperm donors"...

I know this puts a lot of pressure on you to shape and create an entire life for a little person conceived in a symphony of unsureness...

One day you'll have to answer questions like, "Where's my daddy?"

That scares the hell out of you...and I understand that...

Honestly, I can't pretend to imagine what you're going through. Watching my daughter's mother do an excellent job with my superstar day in and day out lets me know that God didn't create any being more powerful than the single mother...

Believe that...

One of the most beautiful things I've ever seen was "Tenacious P" reading with her little man...

I remember the first time I hung out with Harlem and "Isis"...I felt like I was watching her mother as a child...that's powerful.

As a single mother, you are the single most powerful influence on this little person's life. You are a force of nature. Essentially you are the voice and face of The Most High to this energized ball of clay...what you introduce to their world and what you keep out of their world will directly impact them for the rest of their life...

Single Mothers are like soldiers...at times you have to fight wars that you don't necessarily want to fight...you have to do things that you don't want to do...and even be willing to risk your life for a greater cause...

For that I salute you...well, the good one's anyway...

So, to my close friends that are single mothers, know that I admire and appreciate your struggle...

To my daughters mother, I admire and appreciate the EXCELLENT job you're doing with my superstar...

To the fathers out there who are doing the damn thing day in and day out...*Salute* You're making a difference...

Take it easy ya'll...

--Bleek G.