Dreams...(An Aspiring Good Dad's Guide)

First off, watch the video...

I remember being a kid and my teachers, parents, and everybody else telling me, "You can be whatever you want to be."

That's crap.

Not because I don't think without hard work and dedication I can't achieve certain goals, but I don't think that we should mislead people like that. That's why there are so many crazy adults now! They're still thinking they can be anything they want to be.

Sir, you are 32 years old and work for the Federal Government...you are NOT a rapper. You have never "sold pies" except and the Greater Mt. Mariah Baptist Church bake sale. SITCHOASSDOWN somewhere...

Seriously though. I remember having one moment of delusion during my sophomore year of college. I only told like 3 people this but, I wanted to be the President of The United States.

Stop laughing...

No really...stop.

Anyway, I figured I'd get my grades up, transfer to an Ivy League School and go to an Ivy League law school. Then I could be president. Right?

Well, there's a lot more to college than simply grades. Right?

Its not that I didn't have the intelligence. My IQ and test scores will tell you that.

Its not that I didn't have the will or ability to persevere. After some of the stuff that I've been through, both self imposed and stuff I've taken off other people, I'm POSITIVE I have that.

There was another element. FINANCES.

Its kinda hard to study when you're working 3 jobs, taking 15 hours, and your folks back home are absolutely no help. (Had I known up front that I was going to be handling it all on my own I could've planned better...but that's a post for another day.)

This post isn't about finances though, its about dreams.

I have always had a dream. From day one. I knew where I wanted to be, but I didn't necessarily know how to get there. As I've gotten older, I'm learning more and more about what I need to do to make that happen.

So, I implore you people...tell your kids the truth. If your child is dumb as a mesh condom. Don't tell them they can be a doctor or a lawyer. If your child is as useless as a bag of wet hammers, stop telling them to be firemen or police officers.

I don't want your simple ass child performing CPR on me if I can't breathe! They'll mess around and be pushing my face and breathing into my chest. Stop unleashing your dumbass kids on the world!

I'm just playing....kinda.

Raise your kids responsibly, tell them the truth, and if they have a dream PUSH them. Don't be overbearing because you'll push them away from it. Challenge them, aid them, believe in them. Don't tell them what they CAN'T do. NEVER tell them that. Tell them what they should be focusing on though. Do it from LOVE, not from a place of disdain, disgust, or even chastisement.

Show them FEARLESSNESS...no one EVER achieved their dream by being timid or afraid. And if you're scared for them, never let them see it. Instead, encourage them. Just like you do when they're learning to ride a bike; run beside them, keep that hand on the seat, take the hand off when they get up to speed, but keep a watchful eye out for their fall. When they do fall (and they WILL fall), help them up. Put them back on the bike and let them ride again...

I know some of you feel me, right?

More after the break...















One day my daughter will come to me and say, "Daddy can I be an astronaut?"

I'll look her in her beautiful eyes and say, "Baby if you want to, I'll help you find the way."

Maybe one day she'll say, "Daddy, I wanna be a lawyer."

So, I'll take her to my boy "Esquire" and say, "Hey man, my little superstar wants to grow up to be just like you..."

He'll probably laugh, and then we'll talk to her about being a lawyer.

If the day should ever come that my daughter should say, "Daddy, I want to grow up to be a model."

I'll probably take her by the hand....and BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF HER! Then give her a book to read and tell her, "This ain't Paris! You betta model some damn homework! Model a math problem or som'n. SITCHOASSDOWN!"

Nah, I'm just playin'...kinda.

I'd take her to a reputable photographer and make sure she's in something that makes her feel pretty, then I'd let her decide if its something she wants to pursue.

My job is just to put it out there for her and guide her in the right direction.

There are too many adults in my generation who had to raise themselves in one way or another. It may not have necessarily been physically (food, shelter, clothing) but more often than not it was emotionally and intellectually.

There are men and women out there who are emotionally scarred by their upbringing. They were neglected in one way or another and are attempting far into their adulthood to fill that emotional void. Or they find themselves devoid of emotion altogether...like me most of the time.

Then there are those searching for something to believe in something to hold on to as their morsel of truth in a world starving for knowledge. More often than not they weren't encouraged to seek the truth for themselves or even in themselves. So they seek it in other people. They latch on to things and people that make them feel comfortable or desired...

My goal is to ensure that my daughter wants for NOTHING be it physically, emotionally, spiritually, or intellectually.

I want her to be strong enough to play a sport, entertain the masses, be popular, AND read a book...because far too often one of those is left out of the equation during our adolescence...

More after the break...













"Child heard it playin/asked if I was talkin' bout her/the bad thing is she really wasn't sure/if she was a ho or a queen/and I'm really not sure/ if I'm a nigga or a king..."

--David Banner on "No Denyin" from the new albumDeath of A Pop Star

First off, that album is SERIOUS.

Secondly, that quote there made me think something serious regarding my relationship with my daughter and the realization of her dreams.

I pray that her seeing my struggle with a duality of consciousness causes her to pick a side of righteousness.

In laymans terms now...

I pray that my little superstar looks at me and acknowledges "nigga" side of me and the "king" side of me (to take from the David Banner quote) and choose the right side to emulate. That being the "King" side...

Just a lil' something I'm throwing out there....

Here's an observation that I've made...

Far too often I've run into female peers and colleagues who've been "thrown to the wolves" regarding their personal issues and matters of the heart. Its often caused them to get side tracked and devalue themselves. They end up putting their dreams on the backburner. They're goals morph based on their current situation versus what they really want.

Here's one example of many.

I know a young lady that's amazingly gifted. The things that she creates with her words and hands are absolutely AMAZING. She's a talented writer, poet, photographer, and painter. When I met her, she had a dream to be a photographer. Traveling the world, taking in all the beauty that this Earth has to offer. Then she met a man...not even a decent one...she found herself sidetracked. She put her dreams on the backburner because she wanted to be close to him.

Some of you are probably like, "Naw, she just grew up and got a more realistic dream." What's so unrealistic about being a photographer?

Some of you are like, "Well, at least she found love." Love and comfort are TWO VASTLY DIFFERENT THINGS.

This is why I say that. If I love you, I'm going to support your dream. If you want to fly to the damn moon, I'll help you build the rocket! If you want to open a store selling nothing but pampers, I'll be a diaper stocking ASS. I would hope that you would do the same.

Here's what I want to teach my daughter...

I'll sit her down and say, "Love, people change. Friendships begin and end. People come in and go out of your life. A dream though...that one intangible thing that lives inside us and is our motivating force is something that can NEVER be taken away. It can only be GIVEN away. NEVER give away your dream. It may seem convenient. It may even seem right in order for you to be happy. What happens though 30 years from now when you wake up to a nearly empty home and that dream resurfaces? Will it drive you as fiercely as it does now dear? Or will it cause you to wither and die? I don't know love...I don't know."

Hey, what do I know though?

I'm just an average guy with a dream, a goal, and the tools to get there.

Ask yourself though, are you living your dream?

If you have kids...are you helping them achieve theirs?

If the answer to either question is "No" then you've GOT to do something about it...

--Bleek G.