Rambling Post #684987465165

First off...watch the video

Got some news yesterday that I didn't really enjoy too much. I would share it with you but I haven't quite fully processed it yet. Just know that it rocked me to the very foundation of who I am...

In fact...

It completely shattered a small part of the little bit of emotionality I have left. Yeah, I know I'm really honest and open on this here blog, but I'm really not an emotional dude...anymore.

No, I'm not gonna cry and throw a fit. I'm not gonna sit around writing sad poems and remixing hip-hop songs to fit my situation. (Yes, I actually did that once...the writing sad poems and remixing hip-hop songs...don't judge me.) Honestly, I'm probably going to have my moment to process it and move on.

I guess in the past 6 months, the Producer/Director in the sky has just been showing me where to go. This is a part of it. So who am I to get mad at Him or anyone else?

I'm still human though...and the natural response of any human is to attack the source of pain. That's how primitive we are. No really, it is...think about it.

When we break up with somebody, the first thing we do is badmouth them. We have ALL the negative things in the world to say about them. 2 weeks before though, we were gushing about how great they were. On facebook posting statuses and quotes about how in love we are. (*VOMIT* *Wipes mouth* I hate when people do that...) Telling all our friends, "This one may be The One"

The MOMENT that person says, "Maybe we should just be friends," it turns into World War III in your heart and mind. Well...at least for most people it does. I just kinda suck it up, get over it, and move on.

I digress though...

I guess what upset me most is what the sample in the very beginning of the song talks about. "Picture all the possibilities..." I had done that. For a LONG time. Probably to my own detriment.

Oh well....Cest La Vie...

More after the break...















I miss Tupac...

Hate this video...

But I miss Tupac...

Anyway, let me tell you a few things about me. I've never been a thug. Couldn't be CLOSE to being considered one. I'm no gangsta, but as Cornel West once said, "I DO have gangsta proclivities."

I've participated in a hustle or two...or three. I've been in more fights than I care to remember. I've been in possession of a weapon or two for my personal protection. Consider it a part of growing up more so than a statement of character though.

I've always been tough when it came down to it. I've always been able to take a few blows physically, mentally, and emotionally. I've also been able to dish them out.

One thing about me though, I used to be a "Sucka for love..." much like this song says. Its weird. I was like the proverbial "Hooker With A Heart Of Gold." There goes that contradiction in terms again...don't judge me.

Forreal though. I used to always be in the company of more than my fair share of women. I was always focused on having "options"...

The only thing was though, I was always looking for some sort of connection at the same time. Its really weird. Then again, I'm a weird dude. I looked at it the same way some women look at shopping...

Come on, don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about...

I'm sure most of the fellas know what I'm talking about, if they've ever been shopping with their lady before.

A female will go to 12 different stores and look at 20 different pairs of shoes before deciding on ONE pair.

Well, I'm the same way when it comes to companionship. I'm picky...as hell...as I should be.

Is that wrong?

I don't think so.

If you do, you may need to reevaluate your life.

Seriously, I know some women more picky about their shoes than they are about the men in their life.

OH, the same goes for brothas too!

But I digress...

I guess it was always a matter of finding someone that "Fit"

Life's too short to be uncomfortable. I'm just sayin...

More after the break...















Who knew that a Canadian brotha could have THAT much soul?

Also, I found myself being mad at the actress in this video. Why?

She was the same one that played the love interest in Glenn Lewis' video "Don't You Forget It."

I was like, "Man he went through all this crap and you messed around and cheated on him with Baraka from Mortal Kombat? WhereDeyDoDatAt?"

She still fine though...

Anyway, whether this song is based on a true story or not, it gave me a lot of respect for Glenn Lewis. To be this honest and soul baring on a track takes a lot for a man.

Primarily because we're taught to not be emotional. We're taught to lock our emotions away and keep them hidden except under extreme circumstances. (The death of certain people in our lives, situations involving our children, etc.)

My question is though? Why?

I'm serious.

My homie "Tenacious P" said, "Ohh Lawd I can't stand a man that don't know how to communicate. Ooh that makes me SICK!"

I'm thinking to myself, "Well, you want a man to tell you how he feels, right? But you don't really want a man that's in touch with his feelings because then he's a punk, right? So its a catch-22."

I am completely unable to convey to you exactly what's in my heart, because hell...I'm not even sure how I feel. Why? Because I've been taught to lock away my emotions! What the hell man!?!?!?!? That's confusing!

That's like sitting next to a blind man trying to describe a Picasso painting. You know how DIFFICULT that is? Hell, I can see and I can't even describe a Picasso painting half the time! That's ridiculous!

Ask 10 men who are in touch with their sense of manhood how in touch they are with their proverbial feelings and they'll probably tell you, "I'm not very in touch with them."

Why?

Because the BUCK STOPS WITH US alot of times. We don't have anyone to turn to, a shoulder to cry on. We're protector, provider, and burden bearer. Wifey comes to us with problems, sons and daughters come to us with problems, sometimes our parents come to us with problems. Our job is not to go to someone else with them! Our job is to stand up, suck it up, and FIND A WAY. Provide and protect.

That's why we do man shit....like cuss, drink beer, fix stuff, and kill shit. Its a release.

You ever seen a man damn near lose his mind when someone interrupts him during his "Man Time?" That's because its his way of acknowledging his feelings! Forreal!

When Alabama loses, I'm completely unable to discuss the Alabama loss logically for at LEAST 36 hours afterwards. If you come to me with something crazy, you are liable to get your feelings hurt. Why? Because I'm emotional! (Shocking, I know.) And when I'm emotional who do I attack when I feel threatened? Refer to the first section of this entry. Yeah...

Anyway, I guess I said all that to say...hell, I don't know what I was trying to say. I just needed to get all this off my chest and out of my head...

Don't judge me...

Listen to this song and have a nice day...

Peace

--Bleek G.