- Fulton Oursler
"There is no substitute for hard work, 23 or 24 hours a day. And there is no substitute for patience and acceptance."
- Cesar Chavez
"One already wet does not feel the rain..."
-Turkish Proverb
"A true man never frets about his place in the world, but just slides into it by the gravitation of his nature, and swings there as easily as a star."
-Edwin Hubbel Chapin
That's more than a few quotes...I know...
They're all pertinent though...well, at least to what's on my mind right now.
Being in Iraq gives you alot of time to think...ALOT of time to think. You contemplate everything from your own mortality, to the meaning of life, to the eternal question "What are Peeps ACTUALLY made of?"
Anyway, my thinking today took me back to a much less comfortable place than I was ready or, at least initially, willing to face.
I've always been told that I've been perceived as a loner. There's a reason for that. Even though I'm an occasional social butterfly and a very friendly guy, I don't allow myself to get close to too many people. The people I do let in close have been tried by fire...more often than not unintentionally.
None the less, as an adolescent I wanted to be accepted. That's not abnormal, most kids wanted to be accepted. In retrospect, I did a lot of dumb shit to be accepted. I mean a LOT of dumb shit. It was something I had to go through, like a lot of people.
It helped shape me in a number of ways. My search for acceptance made me see exactly how "different" I was from the vast majority of people around me. I've always been "different." Its not something I can necessarily put my finger on, I just know I'm not like most of my peers.
That was the first half of what I was thinking regarding my "uncomfortable" moment of retrospection... I was uncomfortable with who I was at that time, which in turn, made me uncomfortable with who I was for a period of time afterward.
The second half was an observation of sorts...I observed people around me...
I have an eclectic set of true friends. We all stand on our own. We all have our own independent thought processes. We all know who we are and are comfortable in our skin. I'm sure it took us all a while to reach that destination, but we all made it there...
My observation took me from my pre-pubescent years to the present day...
As honest as I am with myself and the people around me...
As loyal as I am to my friends...
As strong as I've had to be for myself and other people...
I've lived a great deal of my life around people striving for acceptance by the masses and found themselves willing to do anything to gain that acceptance...
Does that make them "fake"?
Does that make me a hypocrite for despising all things "fake" and still finding myself surrounded by sycophants?
Or is it just a fact of life?
I'd like to think its simply a fact of life...
I've seen people sell their souls to be accepted by people who normally wouldn't give a damn about them...
I've seen people change their personality, views, allegiances, and even style of dress to be accepted by people who shunned them...
I've seen people turn their backs on family all because they felt the need to be accepted...
Why?
Lily Fairchild once said, "Deep down, even the most hardened criminal is starving for the same thing that motivates the innocent baby: Love and Acceptance..."
At what point though is the price of acceptance too high? Especially when you already have the love of your real friends and are accepted by people who actually matter in your life?
I'm sure at some point and time I've done it...or something similar. I'm sure in a moment of low self esteem or covetousness, I may have done something completely out of character. My friends know that it was that, and I probably apologized for it...in fact, I can think of one time that I did apologize for it.
I guess it goes back to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs Pyramid...far too often, people get stuck in the middle of the pyramid and never make it too the top...(Google it if you don't understand what I'm talking about...)
So, now that I'm done rambling, I guess my question to myself, and by proxy to whoever is reading, is: "What is the price of acceptance?"
Your happiness?
Your peace?
Your friends?
Your family?
Your life?
Your soul?
What are you willing to give up?
I'm not willing to pay for something I already have...
-Bleek
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