The Blame Game...

"I make the most of what comes and the least of what goes."

"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional."

"Those who do not know how to weep with their whole heart do not know how to laugh either."

"Everyone tells me I should forget about you, you don't deserve me. They're right, you don't deserve me, but I deserve you."

"Moving on is simple, it's what you leave behind that makes it so difficult."

"I don't miss her, I miss who I thought she was."

"You know you love someone when you want them to be happy even if their happiness means that you're not part of it."

"We don't stop loving someone, we simply learn to live without them."

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So, I just got off the phone with one of my homies that was recently divorced. It was probably the second saddest conversation I've had in my life. The first is slightly embarrassing so I'll save that for another blog post when I get back to the real world...

This man is still absolutely in love with his ex-wife. He hasn't been to sleep in like 2 or 3 days because he can't stop thinking about how good he felt to have his lady around him during the holidays. Showing her off to all his friends, taking her around his family, and just waking up to her face. She left him in February...the day after Valentine's Day.

He blames her. She blames him...that's typical though.

This dude is really sad, and my heart goes out to the guy. I told him that I would talk to him and be there for him as much as I could while he goes through this period of longing and heartbreak.

I started to wonder though....

We read daily about how heartbroken and low women are after a breakup or divorce, but what about the men that are destroyed by it too? I know I've been BENEATH the bottom after a breakup before. Here's my little story about it. Feel free to laugh at my sorrow.

Once upon a time, Bleek was so in love it was coming out of his ears. All my boys knew it. My folks knew who she was and everyone on EARTH that came in contact with me, knew this woman's name. Why? Because I talked about her constantly! Bleek was in LOVE!

Well, she wasn't...

So much so, that she lied to me and cheated on me. I hated her for it. Yet and still, I loved her and wanted to work it out. I was so upset that I couldn't speak to her for quite a while. What did I do though? I drank...ALOT

I remember sitting in my place wearing a tank top, some basketball shorts, and one tube sock. I was clutching a bottle of Jim Beam Black and watching Brown Sugar. I had it on mute though and was reciting the lines. I had Donny Hathaway's "A Song For You" and "I'll Love You More Than You'll Ever Know" on ONE CD playing on repeat. I would go back and forth from reciting lines to singing along. It went something like this: "So when did you fall in love with hip-hop? Girl I love youuuuuuuuuu, more than you'll ever knooooooooooooow. More than you'll eeeeeeeeever knooooooooow"

Yeah, I was trippin....I was drunk and heartbroken. I can laugh about it now. After that I was bitter as hell and went straight into "Hoe Mode", no relationships for me folks!

I blamed her for my feelings.

Then one day I thought about it. If that bit of pain was Karma's way of knocking me on my proverbial ass, then I got off kind of easy...

That same logic has me thinking though...what did my homeboy do to deserve this sista though? I mean, my boy's no saint, but he wasn't NEARLY as bad as I was when it came to females and running the streets...

I guess, love is just a crap shoot and in the end, we all want somebody to blame for our heartache, our heartbreak, and our loneliness...

What we need though is someone to help us put it in perspective and help us face the situation too though...

Thank God for clear vision