Single Moms....

First of all...listen to the song...

Ok...

So, I got a picture of my daughter smiling the other day. It COMPLETELY made my day. I emailed my daughter's mother (notice I didn't use the term "babymama"...I hate that term) to see how my little superstar was doing and she told me that she's awesome.

Since I'm here in Iraq, my daughter's mom is REALLY good at sending me a video every week so I can see her growing and being the awesome, intelligent, rambunctious toddler that she is.

Being a parent is probably the most exciting and scary thing I've ever done...

Exciting because my daughter completely amazes me. Judging from what my family members have said, its like watching me grow up all over again. I'm excited to see her learn, grow, smile, and be the confident little genius that she is.

In case you haven't realized...I have the most awesomest baby in the history of procreation...yeah...

At the same time...its the scariest thing ever. It raises all sorts of doubts in my head...

Throughout her life...will I be a good father? Will I be firm enough to discipline her when the tears fall from her beautiful brown eyes? Will I be strong enough to not kill the boy who breaks her heart? Will I be able to provide for her a life and opportunities that far surpass anything I've ever known?

It scares me...but it also motivates me



As you can see, she's just as silly as I am...that's her BIG SMILE...

Believe it or not though...this post isn't really about my lil' superstar...

Its about parenthood in general...from a guy who thinks about it...

More after the break...













I was talking to "Nina" the other day...

"Nina" is a 20-something photographer with impeccable fashion sense, a mean shoe game, and a passion for art...and she's a "mommy-to-be"

"Nina" was telling me about the reservations she had regarding her child's father. She said he was somewhat distant, aloof...

Now, maybe it was the hormones...she admitted that she could possibly be suffering from a case of "overemotionality" as part of her delicate condition...

Or maybe she'd tapped into something...

Maybe she'd tapped into the fear that fathers have regarding their children. Men...well...real ones anyway...are taught to show no fear, be strong, be a protector, and a provider. To do that, at times, we're forced to shut off our emotions.

Now, is that the right way to handle things? Probably not. As we know though, the male mind doesn't often react in a very calculating manner when it comes to matters of emotion. We shut them off.

Sistas, allow me to ask you a question...if you told a man, "I'm pregnant..." and he broke down, started crying, and said, "Oh lawd! What is we gon' do?!?!?! Geevus I gots ta feed and clothe a bebby! I gots to get a better job! I can't play Playstation no mo! LAWWWWD!"

What would you do?

First, you SHOULD probably reevaluate who you sleep with in the future.

Second, you WOULD probably tell him to man the hell up and deal with it.

Now...I'm not saying that what I described above is what goes on in the male mind. Its an EXTREME depiction. However, finding out you're a father does have a certain "pucker" factor attached to it. It makes your gut churn, your heart flutter, and your brow sweat. We can't let you see that though. We've been taught not to.

So you hear a certain calmness, even coldness in our voice. Or see a certain distance in our actions. Bare with us...we're not made of stone, its just how we process emotions. Whereas most women I know are outwardly emotional, most men I know are inwardly emotional.

Sistas would be shocked to find that most men are just as emotional as they are, they just never see it except in extreme cases.

Sistas...I'm giving you some advice after the break...













Ok...ladies...I know that sometimes men slip up...we're not there. For one reason or another we choose to be absentee fathers...essentially "sperm donors"...

I know this puts a lot of pressure on you to shape and create an entire life for a little person conceived in a symphony of unsureness...

One day you'll have to answer questions like, "Where's my daddy?"

That scares the hell out of you...and I understand that...

Honestly, I can't pretend to imagine what you're going through. Watching my daughter's mother do an excellent job with my superstar day in and day out lets me know that God didn't create any being more powerful than the single mother...

Believe that...

One of the most beautiful things I've ever seen was "Tenacious P" reading with her little man...

I remember the first time I hung out with Harlem and "Isis"...I felt like I was watching her mother as a child...that's powerful.

As a single mother, you are the single most powerful influence on this little person's life. You are a force of nature. Essentially you are the voice and face of The Most High to this energized ball of clay...what you introduce to their world and what you keep out of their world will directly impact them for the rest of their life...

Single Mothers are like soldiers...at times you have to fight wars that you don't necessarily want to fight...you have to do things that you don't want to do...and even be willing to risk your life for a greater cause...

For that I salute you...well, the good one's anyway...

So, to my close friends that are single mothers, know that I admire and appreciate your struggle...

To my daughters mother, I admire and appreciate the EXCELLENT job you're doing with my superstar...

To the fathers out there who are doing the damn thing day in and day out...*Salute* You're making a difference...

Take it easy ya'll...

--Bleek G.